dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
