I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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