Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
