you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
