Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
