nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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