Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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