Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
