We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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