Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
