just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
