Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
