i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
