I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
