so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
