I'm gonna have a badass scar
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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