My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
