he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
