I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
