Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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