just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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