At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
