Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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