I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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