The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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