Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
