I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
