Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
