it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
