so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
