what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
