There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
