'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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