Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
