I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
