wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My feet surprised me
Randomize
