i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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