sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
