Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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