He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
