no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize