Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
