Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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