If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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