He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
