I'm gonna have a badass scar
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
