she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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