When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
