I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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