It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
