How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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