STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
