It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
