Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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