I'm sorry my penis didn't work
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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