she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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