Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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