I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Randomize
