I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
