I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize