Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
