when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
