so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
