Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
