I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize