How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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