would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
