I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
pray to the hookup gods
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
