sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
