forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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